众里寻他

连着四天追完了寻的第一二季和电影，觉得这部电视剧拍得真好，剧情描述得真的挺真实，开放和包容，放纵和节制，理想和现实…… 在我看来，这部连续剧的标题——寻，展现出了剧中Patrick, Agustin, Dom 三个朋友对自己未来生活道路的追寻，对自己爱情的追寻，而我想主要从男主Patrick的故事中谈谈对生活的选择。 Richie是Patrick在剧中遇到的第一个男友（虽然Patrick之前还谈过一个男友，不过剧中没有真正出现，所以就这么算了），他和Patrick在酒吧相遇，然后关系逐渐升温，虽然中间有些小插曲，但最终还是成为了情侣。不过当Patrick准备带Richie去参加他姐姐的婚礼时，他还是很犹豫并且害怕母亲不会喜欢Richie，并且当时又遭遇到没有拿到母亲手机的不顺，然后在自己脑子一片混乱的情况下，向Richie发了飙，Richie下了车，Patrick最后自己一个人去了婚礼。 而恰好在婚礼上，Patrick碰到了自己的老板Kevin，Kevin的到来和帮Patrick打领结的忙一定程度上缓解了Patrick的紧张，而加上他们俩人之前有的没的的调戏，最后Kevin在卫生间本来开玩笑，但最后真的吻了Patrick，向Patrick表明了自己的心意，但Kevin当时已经有男友Jon，这让他们两的关系变得更复杂，让Patrick陷入两难的局面，生活简直一团糟。 If someone makes me happy, and he wants to be with me, and I want to be with him, I shouldn't do anything? I should stay? 如果有人让我幸福，并且想和我在一起，我也想和他在一起，我该无动于衷吗？我该维持现状吗？ 这句话，虽然是Patrick的母亲说的，但我觉得挺符合Patrick自己的心态。对于自己当时一团糟的生活，Patrick最终选择了抬头向前，他在参加完Doris父亲的葬礼后，回到家看见了刚和男友分手的Kevin，于是给了Kevin也是自己一个机会，开始和Kevin正式交往。 但可惜的是，这段感情也没能维持太久，就在Patrick搬去和Kevin同住的第一个晚上，Patrick发现Kevin更想有一种opening relationship，而自己更愿意在爱上对方后变得更专一。两人在这个问题上的冲突和矛盾逐渐加重，而在处理这次的问题时，Patrick选择了逃避。他辞去了旧金山的工作，回到自己的家乡丹佛，在那里独自生活和工作了九个月。 You feel you shouldn't need something, doesn't mean you don't. 虽然有些东西你不想要，不代表你不需要。 在丹佛工作九个月后，Patrick回到旧金山参加Agustin的结婚派对，而他也发现自己还是离不开旧金山，这里的生活虽然有时一团糟，但有他的朋友们，有他的过去，有他的记忆。在回到旧金山后，他想结束自己的过去，也想向前看。他约Kevin出来谈一谈，Kevin说自己和Jon复合了，将要搬回伦敦了，同时又给了Patrick旧金山工作的机会，因为他依然爱着Patrick，但最终Patrick还是没有再给Kevin一次机会。而一直关心着Patrick的Richie在派对上看见了落寞的Patrick，而其实自己也还爱着Patrick，于是最终Richie和自己的男友分手，回到了Patrick的身边。 生活总有时会是一团糟，选择逃避？还是回到过去？还是抬头向前？在我看来，一味逃避必然不会有好的结果，但有时在自己最崩溃的时候，适当放空自己，能给自己缓口气，给自己勇气来重拾生活。而对于回到过去，还是抬头向前，我想，过去总也有些快乐美好的回忆，偶尔回味一下曾经拥有的快乐，也无可厚非。但生活最重要的态度，还是积极向前看，过去的都已过去，更重要的是活在当下，活出自我，积极走向未来。而这，我想，也正是这部连续剧所想表达的，我们要“looking”属于自己的生活。 最后，作为一名十足的PK党，我真的好希望Patrick能再给Kevin一次机会，诚然Kevin确实有点渣，但至少他一直深爱着Patrick，至少他愿意为了这份爱去放手一搏，而这种爱是其他人所不及的。

Patrick, Kevin永远爱你

Okay, I'm going to ask you something. Were you actually ever in love with me? Yes. I... I think so. I mean, I certainly loved the idea of us. 'Cause I could have made it work. I could've. When I said I wanted to be monogamous with you, I meant it. I didn't want you to make a promise you couldn't keep. Fuck you. How'd you know I wouldn't keep it. Anyway, that's not why we broke up. We weren't right for each other. No, no no, no, no, no, no. How do you know that? I just did. I... I do. But you-- you didn't even try. You didn't even try. You moved in one day, you moved out the next. You didn't even fucking unpack. Listen, I admit that I handled that horribly, Yes,but I apologize for that. And... (sighs) Isn't it better to quit rather than drag out something that you know won't work? Okay, well, in a nutshell, there's your problem. What is? You, you, you. You quit, you run away. You don't take risks, ever. What are you talking about? I moved in with you. No, no, no, no, no. Patrick, the risk would have been trying to make it work. The risk would have been putting in the hard graft to make it work. Now, I-- I don't want to seem like a cunt,but you are a coward. Oh, I don't think that's fair. I couldn't trust you anymore. And I-- I don't know what hard graft means, but I don't think I've been a coward at all. Okay, well, I think the facts tell a very different story. Would a coward have moved to a different city? A new job? Left everything behind? You-- you basically moved home. And are you sure you didn't run away and not move away? They're two very different things. And what next? What next for Patrick Murray? Huh? When that doesn't work out, I'll bet you a million dollars, you're already looking for the next thing. You are. I know you. You run away and you are a coward. You were a coward with me. You were a coward with Richie. Enough, Kevin. Jesus. You hit a few potholes in the road and instead of trying to navigate through it, you slam your brakes on, you start crying and you run the other direction. Why would you do that for me? Seriously. After...everything? Well, because despite everything, Patrick, I just want you to be happy, man. Why? Why? 'Cause I love you. Look, don't stay in Denver. Come back. And you can take that from someone who moves around to constantly avoid dealing with things. It never works, but I think you know that already. 　《桥头风景》时 RT 有次接受采访被问到在《寻》第二季最后为什么对 Patrick 那么渣，他反驳到你在一段外遇中认识的我，你应该清楚我是怎样的人，你应该清楚自己在做什么，但 Patrick 的应对显然不够成熟。 主持人辩不过只好说 “我们百老汇这群人就是看不得 Jonathan Groff 不开心嘛。” 　　 　　现在看完电影才意识到 RT 对角色的理解一直都是对的。大家觉得 Kevin 渣是因为最后是他用一个吻打破暧昧的，但这不能代表 Patrick 就是两人中更无辜的那个。之前的搭讪、加班、基友助攻等也不能让人家装傻装不懂。 　　Kevin 和 Jon 分手后在门口等了一晚上，问 Patrick 愿不愿意给两人一个机会的时候，Patrick 毫不犹豫的答应了。但对 Kevin 来说，真正的 take a shot 是 take a risk，是离开相处两年的男友，是搬到一起住，是遇到问题时试图解决，是在对方的要求下尝试成为更好的自己而非瞬间变身为对方理想中的自己。Patrick 的逃避显然是不够成熟的。Patrick 说的 “我无法相信你了” 是个很好的理由，但是 Kevin 在咖啡厅说的每一句也都一针见血。 　　 　　开始觉得一段对话就洗白了编剧好厉害... 后来才知道结局是一开始就定好的，再回头听两个人刚在一起时那首结尾配乐的歌词都是和最终的人设相呼应的： 　　Sweetheart may not be easy 　　But we're trying hard to hold on 　　Trying to make it better 　　And I said baby you set my soul on fire 　　I got two little arms 　　To hold on tight and I wanna take it higher 　　 　　Baby you never should say never 　　I got a hurricane inside my veins and I wanna stay forever 　　虽然没在一起但还是觉得 Kevin 和 Patrick 这对已经是剧里所有关系中设定和刻画的最深入完整的。